-bEaT oF aN aNgEl-

Empty.Empty.Empty. I will hang on.. i will try.. i will hide it all away.. i m sure i can do it now.. wads left in me now.. is me n my determination. when r u cumin 2 save me. y does light seem 2 b fadin. y do i feel like i m fallin. Needin. HELP. Damn i feel like cryin.

posted by Charlene Sebastz @ 9:16 PM

YAY!!! me finally went shoppin again wif my gerfren :))) tink i m gonna turn into a zombie if i followed stupid gary's "goin out onli once a mth" rule.. tts like not gonna happen in a gazillion.. if i cant.. i wont.. blehx! beat that. :PPPPPP (strictly applicable to goin out onli)..

Went out wif my dearie rongqian.. lolx.. she's like my sanity now.. lolx.. my onli source of life.. haha.. n i lurve her lots lots lots.. :))) haha best of all.. we share the same mentality.. she's so rawkin.. she has always been.. :)) since pri sch.. so sad yiling couldnt make it 2day.. it would be so cool wif we 3 go shoppin 2gether.. though yiling always seemed 2 be in a daze.. lolx.. she so dreamy yea? ;p

We went far east again.. lolx.. yup my idea =X .. haf always been goin there everytime i went out.. lolx.. dun blame me.. its my fave haunt.. sorta lahx.. we went shoppin 4 clothes.. its so fun.. so long haben been clothes searchin le.. but its more of lookin 4 clothes 4 me.. the chinese new yr ones.. cos i haben complete yet.. yup..

We started wif level 1.. i was so engrossed in chattin wif qian tt i didnt c hu was in front.. den i heard loud callin of sum1's name rite in front of me.. den i realised hu was in front.. kenny n gang.. :SSSS haha i dunno how 2 react.. so i jus ignored him.. opps.. lolx like so mean hor.. :PPP

Dunno y so qiao 1 lehx.. met them 3 times at lvl 1.. dunno y arhx.. =X go everywhere oso c 1.. so xie men.. lolx.. so me n qian went up.. lolx.. oh yeah.. she met her fren too.. she's sooooo freakingly tall.. i feel like a dwarf.. she's like 180? i think.. soooooo freakingly tall rite.. she's onli sec 3.. god.. pls slap me.. lolx.. i m still a lil lil lil lil away from 160.. oh my gosh.. i feel so guilty sia :'( .. lolx.. she's so drama sia.. lolx.. like so excited 2 c qian.. lolx..

went lookin ard.. so mani ppl there.. so was like walkin walkin n walkin.. didnt really stop n look ard much.. haha.. wanna go clothes testin 4 fun oso so mani ppl.. so in the end jus forget abt it.. in the end i bot a new shirt wif pink strip by the side.. qian chose 4 me.. cos i dunno wad 2 buy.. yup.. so so so so regret didnt buy tt pink skirt.. it was so nice nice nice...!!!!! im determined 2 go get it by tis wkend.. lolx.. if i got time tt is..lolx.. i m crazy..

Wanted go j8 initially.. budden she gotta go meet her sis.. so yeah we parted at wdls mrt station.. n i had so squeezed into causeway pt 2 get my damn dinner.. so freakingly wanna go w/o.. yeah but my mum would gif me a piece of her mind later.. so aiyah wadeva..

I jus so so so so so so freakingly lurve shoppin.. lolx.. it makes me so happy.. lolx.. i m crazy.. i was havin a terrible mood swing tis mornin.. but after shoppin i was so happy.. hehehehehe :)))

|-Fallen-|STaR- i will be standin here waitin..




he so freakingly shuai rite!!!!!!!!!

posted by Charlene Sebastz @ 8:40 PM

I haf a confession 2 make.. i m brainwashed.. by Gary and co.. dunno y.. it doesnt seem like confidence 2 me.. more of being obessed in success.. like self decievin.. i wan 9als.. i wan 9a1s.. wad if i dun get it? will i go commit suicide if i dun?.. tt is circlin in my head.. if u r too into success.. failure is certainly not sumthin u can handle.. if u r so bend on gettin 9a1s.. i m not sure i would b happy if i got a 6als.. tts 4 me lahx.. mayb 2 others not..

I realised i love my dad n mum so much!!!! :))))) lolx.. okie ppl will b sayin y i tell my parents not 2 cum.. u can say i m heartless.. i dun care.. i oso dun bother 2 explain lahx.. i m on the disadvantage lahx.. i onli haf 1 mouth.. whereas there r so mani ppl out there.. my dad works till 8.. so he is definitely not cumin.. my mum gotta wake up at 4+ the nxt day.. she really doesnt wan 2 cum.. i asked her like 3 times oredi? she jus doesnt wanna cum.. but she agreed 2 cum when i call her twice.. after what gary said.. she said okie.. she will cum.. on the accord tt i complained 2 her tt she doesnt even bother 2 cum 4 the talk on streamin 2 yrs ago.. so she wont bother cum anyway.. she is so unwillin.. if i really love her.. den i shall follow her will rite? so i told her its okie.. nthin impt.. jus called cos the tcher asked us 2..

yup.. so the whole thing was really touchin.. i told myself tt i dun wanna cry anymore.. i dunno y lahx.. so i was fightin back tears.. of all those hu went on stage to tell us abt their life.. sum seemed so true 2 me 2.. :(( like vernus's mum jus wan her 2 b happy.. when we were sec 2.. i asked my mum what combi 2 choose.. she told me double sci will do.. i told her loads abt how bio might help me blah blah.. den she was like" y do u bother 2 ask me then?".. den i was so shocked.. she threw a temper at me cos of tis.. seemed like she doesnt even care abt me lo.. budden during last yr end of yr exams period.. she told me that she already told me not 2 study triple sci.. cos i was like really stressed over the a math n bio paper.. so i realised.. perhaps.. she was jus angry cos i didnt heed her advice.. perhaps..

okie.. i think i m losin me now.. dunno wad i wanna type.. jus wanna say.. we will neber stop wantin 4 more.. but wad we failed 2 c is what we haf.. wad we should treasure.. 4 me.. at least i found it..


I lurve shany dear :)))))))

|-fallen-|StaR- motivated..

posted by Charlene Sebastz @ 9:57 PM

ahh my pooooooooor legs.. lol.. been shoppin 4 hrs these 2 days.. lolx.. yay!!! lolx.. been havin no social life recently.. hafta go hm straight after sch.. dunno y.. always say wanna study.. in the end.. haish.. failed terribly.. :PPPP end up feelin 2 sian n start watchin tv.. dunno y.. i jus got distracted.. wahahahah~

went to watch my brother on fri.. awwwwww its so nice.. on top of the fact tt won bin is acting.. oh my gosh!!!!!!!!! he's so drop dead gorgeous.. *nono.. no protested.. objection is not welcomed..* lolx.. been sniffin n cryin quite abit.. awwwwwwww.. tt guy is jus so ke lian.. i shall TRY to be nicer 2 my bro.. wahahahaha~ act the way i treat him is gd wad.. based on the fact tt he treats me like SHIT.. lolz..lalallalalalala~ okie.. wadeva..

Went j8 and walk walk ard wif tiff+sherry+jas.. haha we were all SIAN.. lolx.. wanted 2 take neoprint initially.. budden hor scared later the face all.. lolx.. 1 big SIAN on it how?? lolx.. yup.. so in the end didnt.. my legs were on the verge of breakin liao.. :S:S:S:SS::S.. den i still went shoppin wif tiff at northpt for her gift 4 coco.. n my gift 4 my mum.. c i m tryin 2 b nice now.. lolx~ so u all mus go watch my brother k!! it teaches u moral :PPPP lolz.. free publicity..

k 2day went shoppin wif my gal pals.. b4 tt i met yu wu kor..n he passed me the s'pore idol CD.. n he seemed so preoccupied in his work... ohhhhhh weellll..

met up wif rongqian.. her hair is so ke ai.. lolx :))) its not ugly.. serious.. u will neber look ugly lo.. lolx.. we went pacific plaza to look 4 my ripcurl bag.. saw 1 quite nice de. $69.90.. was considerin.. den decided go look 4 yiling at bugis.. it was already 3+ le.. lolx.. so we walked back 2 orchard mrt station NNNNN we took the wrong mrt back.. lolz.. okie wif blur sotong me.. dun worry.. u will get lost effortlessly.. so we reached toa payoh n had to take the marina bay train back.. wahahahahahaha~ oh well.. so we reached Bugis at.. 4.. wahahaha.. she waited 4 an hr+ ... sorry arh!!!

Shopped at bugis village.. parco.. OG.. legs r already soft from all those walkin.. lolx.. in the end still went shoppin at CWP wif her.. at 6:45.. lolx late!!! 4 my sorta "curfew".. bot my billabong bag.. its nice!!!! n below my budget.. lolz :PPPPP so i got a few loose bucks now.. lolx..

wanted go the pasar malam.. but too late le.. yup.. so went hm..

aftermath of excessive walkin.. legs breakin.. ahhhh lolx.. but i enjoyed it.. *GUILTY* haben been studyin... so i chose bio 2 bring to adam khoo workshop.. hope can learn abit of how 2 study it.. lolx..

*didnt read thru tis entry, most prob the whole entry is full of mistakes.. lolz.. pardon them ya if u happened 2 chance upon them*

signin off

|-Fallen-|StaR- i dream a lil dream of u.. but i let u go.

posted by Charlene Sebastz @ 9:10 PM

kk ytd was a unlucky day~ yuck!! its jus horrible. Mayb its retribution =X ,for laughin at a lil ger when she fell. I didnt wan 2 but i was as though on a laughin spell. I had tis laughin thing goin on the whole mornin. I was laughin the whole time. :S And so much of thiam chye holdin me responsible if anythin happens 2 his arm, wad abt me now den!!!

Later in the afternoon, the situation is just the direct opp. I was cryin for 1/3 of the day. Tis is how all the tramuma begins---- The bus was so damn packed cos it clashed wif the pri sch kiddies dismissal time, so i shifted in my seat so that the lady carryin a toddler could haf a seat. But tts like the 1st step into my grave!!! I so freakingly hate the translink bus design lo!!!

The bus was even more packed than usual. It was my stop n of cos i hafta get off the bus , so i excused myself. But that lady didnt move much( i estimate abut 5 cm?) bcos she was carryin the toddler u c, so she couldnt step aside as the bus was really squeezy. There is tis HUMP thingy in front of the seat(jus behind the front seat), so i stepped on the hump n tried 2 get out of my seat. My right foot has already been steppin firmly on the floor, when the horrible part came. My left leg, which is still inside went "CRACK". It felt as if the joints jus gave way, as though it jus broke off n my whole leg was twisted. Its sooooooooo scary. I almost collasped on the floor but i held on tight n balanced on my right leg. IT HURTS LIKE HELL. I was like in a daze. Couldnt believe wad had happened. I didnt even dared 2 look down. Was so scared my leg was contorted.

I limp down the stairs n off the bus. I couldnt even stand. I just collapsed on the bus stop seat. It was really beri painful..VERY. The DAMN bus came again( another 1.. btw there is onli 1 idiotic service at my neighbourhood),it was empty lo!!! F*** .. the previous bus was damn packed like sardine!!! F*********** so pissed!!!!!


My mum was at my granddad's hse, so she wasnt at hm. I really dunno wad 2 do den. I didnt even noe how 2 cry, bcos i was apparently lost. So shocked..

All i could think of, is how m i going 2 make my way hm. I jus forced myself 2 move on despite the pain. But all i could manage was to limp abt 3 steps n i had to grab on to my knee in pain.I didnt even noe how 2 shout on in pain. The passerby-s stared at me like sum freak landed on earth. The last thing i expect myself to do, was to smile n ans the passerby that i sprained my leg. I dun even noe if u would classified it as sprain, it jus doesnt feel quite the same,n btw how can u sprain a knee?? lolx.. i dunno.. but i think it sounds more "right"??

It was a miracle i wasnt knocked down by sum vehicle, I was pract crawlin when i crossed the road. I had no idea how I had managed to get down from the stairs despite the hair-pullin pain. But i jus did. I suppose we could have neber underestimate one's willpower in desperate times.


I finally reached hm. Fell on the chair and start weepin. Yeah yeah i m a damn lousy person but it felt really beri terrible k. Lolx. I foned my mum cryin like hell over the fone. It sorta like traumatised her so much that she took a cab rushed all the way back..

She came hm fter say 20 mins? i dunno, all i did was jus sat down n cry. lolx.. the pain was really unbearable lo. I couldnt even shift it an inch, couldnt even lay it flat or bend it. Its like stuck,like a gear tt needs lubrication desperately. I totally freaked out. My mum got a bag of ice cubes n eased the pain. Felt much better but the fact tt the whole knee was swollen is not a good thing, on top of that, my leg felt numb from the cold, the feelin of my skin rippin apart obviously did not help..

The traffic light went from red to green when i was crossin the road to reach the clinic yet i havent even reached the other end. That feelin is so helpless. I regret hatin the days where we had to run 4 rds round the sch, at that point of time,it felt good 2 b able 2 run..

Since it was a private clinic, i didnt hafta wait. The doc was a nice person. He jus talked 2 me n try 2 help me relax. He checked my knee and was sorta like jerkin the bone on the knee, took sum bandage n wrapped it round to secure it. He den took my hand and started bendin my thumb inwards, towards my wrist.. effortlessly.. i was shocked. It didnt hurt 1 bit. He den took my arm n asked me to straighten it. It wasnt adjacent but it sorta bended inwards. He told me that i haf naturally softer n more flexible bones n tts the reason y i injured my knee due to "mobile" knee caps. This oso meant i haf higher tendency of fallin and dislocation of joints =XXXX I sorta like gave a worried expression so he reassured me sayin it was inborn, so its nothin 2 bad abt it. lolx... He also mentioned abt tis guy in the guiness bk of records hu could dislocate his arms n limbs to squeeze through a small hula hoops. He also had the kind of bones and joints i haf, so yeah it nthin 2 worry abt. lolx... He was really beri frenly( unlike those old n idiotic nurses =XX) .. After the consulation, i feel myself lighten up, not as tensed up..

Its so freakin troublesome havin 2 eat medicine every 4 hrs... yucks~ and plus the big bandage doesnt help!!!

To all those out there, be thankful tt person like us haf complete and workin body parts and system, bcos u would neber understand how lucky u are..


*P.S*- thx 2 amelia, shiping and xue wif the locker thingy.. thx thx!! :))

|-FalLen-|STaR- for those hu failed 2 c.. life is a wonder jus the way u r leadin it.. jus tt we r blinded by the riches that were beyond our reach..

posted by Charlene Sebastz @ 5:01 PM

Skool has been SO FAR.. so hard 2 stay focused.. cos my mind keeps drfitin away.. haiz~ hope tis yr is a gd yr.. sumthin feels not quite rite.. :S


Thx Jas 4 the NWO T shirt.. sorry arhz.. u hafta look everywhere 4 my billabong pencilcase.. hehe

Thx Shan 4 the pillow.. so ke ai wor!! lolx

Thx Joce +A.As for the boardshorts.. its sooooooooox infinity times NICE =]

Thx Xue+Tiff for the skirt.. n all the trouble u all went thru 2 buy it.. thx thx :))

Thx cal 4 the pink ripcurl wallet.. nice nice :))

Thx crazies for the cute cute bolster.. its on my bed now.. lolx..

Thx Jin Ru+Suz+Liying 4 the cow.. so ke ai..!!!

Thx Tu di for the Mashimaro

Thx sherry for the tank top.. hehe n hafta pei me go look n try.. wahahahaha~ but we managed 2 make cal wear a skirt.. lolx

Thx yukai for the handfone thingy.. its pink pink pink.. nice!!!

Thx evelyn for ur snoopy..haha u r so sweet :))

Thx claire for ur air mailed smarties



Thx every1 hu made my day a wonderful 1.. its a blessin 2 noe tt there r ppl hu might not b physically there every single day, but their tots r still there.. *muacks* lurve u all lots :)))))

*sorry if i missed out every1*

|-Fallen-|StAR- assurance at heart!! =]]

posted by Charlene Sebastz @ 10:32 PM